


No Swerving We Die Like Men

by sugargoats



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types, Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-12
Updated: 2018-06-16
Packaged: 2019-05-21 08:41:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14912135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sugargoats/pseuds/sugargoats
Summary: Still reeling from the loss of his longtime lover and co-owner of a prospering roadside smoothie hut, Swerve stumbles across a beautiful stranger in need of a ride.New friends are made, old loves return, and some must pay for crimes they did not (or did?) commit. Swerve is thrust into chaos when all he wants is a goddamn break, and you know what? He might not even try to fix anything or save the world. Fuck it, he's taking a nap. Goodnight.





	1. Chapter 1

It was a dark and stormy night, and Swerve was in turmoil. He had just lost his boyfriend, Joltik, to a freak electrical storm that jolted that tick right outa this dimension. In his grief, Swerve swerved down the road to the smoothie hut he owned with his mom, Optimus Prime. In the midst of his anguish, Swerve didn't notice the small figure standing in the road in front of him. 

 

Swerve swerved out of the way, but not quick enough because his tires slipped on the road because it was raining and he couldn't turn very well due to his tires losing traction on the wet concrete that was wet because of the rain. He skidded to a halt about ten feet from the thing in the road. Somewhat shaken, he turned into a man-bot again and walked over to what now appeared to be a tall, handsome, and incredibly muscular man standing in the middle of the road. The man had shoulder length silver hair that swept across his forehead and covered his right eye. His biceps looked especially durable, and they glistened sexily in the rain.

 

"Hey, who are you?" Swerve called to the man as he slowly approached him.

 

"I don’t know, who are you?" Replied the guy who sort of reminded Swerve of Zero from Vampire Knight, but more buff.

 

"I asked you first." said Swerve, slightly more annoyed now.

 

“That’s a weird name.” Sobbed the pretty dude

 

This was so frustrating, Swerve felt like crying into his mom’s pecs.

 

“Ok, I'm going to go now because you’re annoying.” Swerve finally yelled, having had enough of whatever game this very handsome and swole man was playing. He knew enough about himself to know that if he stayed here with this guy it would end either with Swerve killing him or banging him, which would probably also kill him because Swerve was very very big and made of metal, and this guy was like 6’ 2” and made of flesh.

 

Right as he was about to turn back into a super awesome race car, he saw the pretty boy begin to walk towards him, his hands up to show he meant no harm. He had perfectly manicured nails with french tips, which was sort of a weird thing for Swerve to notice, he thought.

 

Swerve held off beginning his transformation, somewhat curious as to what the little punk had to say. They were still about 10 feet apart, so Kakashi Hatake began to yell at Swerve over the thundering of the rain on the pavement.

 

“Please don’t leave! I’m sorry I made fun of your weird name! I need to get back into town, and I’m super hot so you should give me a ride!” 

 

Well, he WAS super hot, Swerve thought. So at least he knew the guy wasn’t a liar. 

 

“Okay, fine. I’ll give you a ride, get on” Swerve called back to him

 

“What?”

 

“In. Get in. I said get in.”


	2. Chapter 2

Three hours later and Swerve is back at his house that is actually just a metal shipping container he stole from a barge and then dropped in a field somewhere. It came with like 3,800lbs of free pretzels, which was kind of cool.

He had dropped off Kaworu Nagisa in front of a Burger King about an hour and a half earlier per the dude’s request. For his trouble, he was offered several chicken strips which he politely declined by flipping the guy off and driving away.

If Swerve was being honest with himself, he knew he had only been rude because he was kinda pissed that there was a super hot, super shredded guy sitting in his passenger seat and he couldn’t think up any good “haha you’re inside me”, jokes. 

It wasn’t fair of him and he knew that, so Swerve crushed a handful of pretzels and scattered them for the birds outside before heading back out to Burger King for the second time in 20 years. 

\------------------------

When he pulled up to the Burger King, the first thing Swerve noticed was that the Burger King was on fire.

The second thing he noticed was that there were around 30 silver ants the size of a very large dog or a very small car crawling on it and around it. 

“Well I don't see anything wrong with what’s going on here!” Swerve declared “This all seems perfectly normal to me.”

He morphed (like in the hit book series, “Animorphs”) back into a metal man and approached the flaming and ant infested building. Ignoring the flames and screaming ants, Swerve opened the front door and let himself inside. 

“What are you doing in my Burger King?!” A voice as loud as a hundred normal volume voices all together bellowed from somewhere in the back.

“Oh haha I get it, like that quote from Shrek but with “Burger King” instead of “swamp”.” Swerve yelled back at the phantom voice.

“What the fuck is a Shrek?” The voice replied

“Never mind, it’s really not worth explaining.” Swerve replied to the reply.

“I actually came to apologize to the hot guy I dropped off here earlier? He had silver hair and abs of steel and beautiful nails.” Swerve hated that he mentioned his nails. “I was rude to him because I couldn’t think of a joke, but really I was the joke and I’m sorry.”

Swerve’s super sincere apology was met with silence.

Finally the same phantom voice replied, “He probably forgives you. He will for sure forgive you though if you leave $5,000 US dollars on the front steps of the restaurant and then come back tomorrow morning after the sun is up.” Swerve noticed now that the voice was gravelly and also sort of sounded like fingernails on a chalkboard.

“Sure, that sounds reasonable. Is a box of loose 5’s okay? I only have 5’s.” Swerve only had loose 5’s.

“Wait what? You’re serious? You’re actually going to leave five-fucking-thousand dollars in 5’s in front of a Burger King for me? I mean him?”

“I mean yeah? It’s hard for me to go to the bank because I’m bigger than most banks, but if 5’s really aren’t okay then I guess-“ Swerve was cut off just then by what sounded like the raptors in the kitchen scene from the hit Hollywood classic, Jurassic Park, playing out in the back.

“NO NO NO 5’s ARE TOTALLY FINE please leave the money.” The voice sounded breathless and also much like metal scraping against a other metal.

“Nice.” Replied Swerve.

“Nice.” Replied the metal voice.

**Author's Note:**

> i'd say im sorry but you've got to know thats a lie so im not even gonna try
> 
> also there will be more chapters simply because i cannot bring myself to write all this at once. it'll update whenever i damn well please


End file.
